I see the world crumbling around me but I can t feel pain anymore
by That-One-Girl-Behind-You
Summary: Little insights at the 74th Hunger Games, the Quarter Quell, and the Mockingjay war through Katniss daemon, Lykaios.
1. As my soul loved you

**ATTENTION: This is the same story that was previously wrongly filed under "His Dark Materials"**

Hello, dears!

So, I´ve been re-reading His Dark Materials lately, and I´ve found a new obsession in Daemon!AUs, so here´s my shot at it.

**Disclaimer:** The Hunger Games and all its characters belongs to Suzanne Collins. The idea of daemons belongs to Phillip Pullman.

* * *

**As my soul loved you**

Lykaios has always been her only guardian.

If she finds it ironic that her soul´s the only one to take care of herself, she doesn´t comment on it.

* * *

He´s always that solid presence by her side, and in their whole lives they only ever disagree on one matter.

Peeta.

Sometimes she even thinks it´s his fault that Lykaios settled, even though he always assures that´s not the case.

It happens when she´s fairly young, after her father dies. Her mother sits at the empty hearth, and her Valerian´s feathers turn gray all of a sudden.  
Food starts going scarce, and Prim cries while Panax changes licks the tears from her cheeks and changes forms to entertain her.

That day outside the baker´s house, Lykaios is no more than the scrawny field mouse he´s been since the accident, cowering inside her sleeve. And then the slap and the boy at the door. Hi daemon remains at the window, in the shape of a hare with beady eyes and twitchy ears.

When Peeta throws the bread, Lykaios takes the form of a wolf and catches it mid-air, before bringing it back to Katniss.

After that day he uses that form more and more, except at school where she´s told it upsets the other kids. Finally, the dandelion blossom.

She feels her hope hardening into determination. Her daemon takes his wolf form at her side and licks her hand. That´s the moment, but she doesn´t notice, and he doesn´t tell her. They have bigger concerns than themselves.

She does notice, though, the day after, when she hunts her first rabbit by herself. She stares down at the pierced body, and Lykaios speaks with a calmed voice that reminds her of her father.

"You´re a wolf, Katniss."

And she is.

* * *

Her mother´s daemon doesn´t speak since the accident. Not until the Reaping, at least.

The woman herself is still and pale as her youngest is led to the stage, but it´s Valerian´s screech what brings them back to reality.

They rush across the crowd yelling, _howling_, and when they run up the stairs the wolf daemon´s fur is spiked and he´s snarling, making the cameras focus on him.

Prim screams at her back. "No, Katniss, no! You can´t go!" Panax is a kitten hissing from under Lykaios´ front legs, while the later snarls at everyone and crouches over him.

Suddenly she´s gone. Gale takes her away while his jaguar takes a defeated kitten away.

Effie´s beyond herself with excitement and when she asks for an applause they both turn to watch. To dare them. But it doesn´t happen.

Instead, Peeta climbs up the steps after his name is called, with his little gray and gold furred monkey in tow, and the end begins.

* * *

The goodbyes are horrible.

Her mother and Prim are the first to come, of course.

They hug tightly while Valerian covers Lykaios and Panax with his big gray wings and Katniss instructs them carefully. But there´s no time to weep. Lykaios takes one of the wings between his fang, not hurting, just holding. Warning.

"Listen to me. Are you listening to me? You can´t leave again."

Her mother looks down at the floor, muttering about how she couldn´t help it the first time.

Katniss snaps and shouts, and Valerian lets out and undignified cry, but she doesn´t budge.

"I needed medicine" says her mom.

"Then take it! And take care of her!"

They leave pretty soon after that, to her relief, and in comes Peeta´s father. His daemon is a fat, tired dog that doesn´t look up at her wolf until they finally promise to keep an eye out for Prim.

And then Madge.

Sweet, shy Madge that is all business except for her squirrel daemon that clings to Lykaios neck.

"Promise you´ll wear it into the arena, Katniss? Promise?"

"I promise." And off goes the girl that was indeed her friend after all.

When Gale comes, everything´s fine, even when nothing is.

Lykaios and Bendis crash against each other clawing and biting desperately as gale _orders_ her to win. The Peacemakers don´t give them enough time.

"Don´t let them starve!"

"I won´t! You know I won´t! Katniss, remember I -"

She doesn´t know what she should remember, but Lykaios does and he wails long and sad even as the Peacemakers´ dogs push him back.

* * *

Lykaios whines and snarls when the prep team gets rid of her body hair, too focused on her pain to mind the sparkly mouse daemon pulling knots off his tangled fur. All in all, it´s a blessing when they finally leave her alone.

"If I ever see them again, I´m going to rip them a new one." He grumbles, making Katniss smile. She hasn´t smiled since she left home.

"Don´t worry, I don´t think we will." She answers and makes _him_ smile. That´s how their humor is.

When Cinna comes in, her daemon huddles closer to her legs as if to shield her from the man´s eyes, and she tangles a hand in the fur behind his ears.

His daemon trails after him, a small fox with cunning eyes that evaluates Lykaios with as much detail as her human. She doesn´t speak until after heir meal, when they´re finally discussing Katniss´ outfit.

"So rather than focus on the coal mining itself, we´re going to focus on the coal." Cinna says. "And what do we do with coal? We burn it."

Her impending naked tour across the Capitol hangs over her head, until the fox looks directly at her with her bright green eyes gleaming in mirth.

"You´re not afraid of fire, are you, Katniss?"

* * *

She doesn´t notice at first.

Yes, she held Peeta´s hand at the tour. And yes, she told Haymitch she was fine with training alongside him. But it still gets on her nerves.

"I hate it." She snaps behind closed doors. "And I don´t get it. What´s the point of this? That people be heartbroken when such good friends have to murder each other?!" She punches her pillow as her daemon climbs on the bed with her.

"I don´t get it myself. And Promethea won´t tell me anything either." He confesses. "But you´re doing fine."

"He can barely make a decent trap. He´ll starve."

"He will."

"I won´t risk our necks for him."

"He should win if we don´t, though."

She glares at him because she thinks the same and he knows it, but she still hates it.

"He´s not that bad." He declares, sealing the matter for the night. "He shouldn´t have to die."

* * *

Then the night of the interviews comes.

Cinna turns her into a phoenix, and even Lykaios gets sprinkled with a handful of red glitter that makes him sparkle when he moves.

They get on the stage with Caesar and play the amazed peasants. Everything goes according to plan. She speaks to Cinna and only Cinna, about everything.

Thankfully her time is cut short right after they start treading into Prim territory and she doesn´t make much of a mess.

And then it´s Peeta´s turn. His daemon perches on the back of the chair and Katniss zones out, leaving Lykaios with the task of listening for them both.

She focuses on time to hear Caesar questioning Peeta about his love interest, and, as he says those fatidic last words, his daemon looks straight at her, and Lykaios hides his face in the fabric of her dress.

* * *

She paces across one end of the room while her daemon does the same at the other.

"What?!" She snaps first. She always does.

"You practically _killed_ him." He roars, furious.

"He had no right! Besides, someone´s going to kill him either way!"

"You´re an idiot!"

She stares at him, eyes wide with rage and surprise because in their whole lives they had never had so much as an argument. They´ve always known what was right and what they had to do, and whenever she doubted he was there to support her.

They go to sleep on different sides of the room, without another word.

* * *

She tries to be angry at him, but it doesn´t last. Not much, at least.

His form is an advantage in the games; his hunter senses help her find food and he´s a good ally in case of a fight.

He stays at ground level when she climbs to sleep, never further than when they hunt. When the careers come the first time, he becomes a shadow under some bushes, and they don´t notice them.

But she sees Peeta and he sees too, and when they set on the move again he seems a bit sadder.

* * *

At last, it´s her who breaks.

The fire is tall and hot around her and she smells burning fur and she knows they won´t make it, nothing matters anymore.

She jumps into the pond and hugs him, but just as she´s about to speak the careers are upon them.

The choice is made without the slightest hesitation.

When the careers surround the tree, they freeze and gasp, but she has no time for them because she _has_ to climb and she´s _hurting_ so much.

"Where´s her daemon?!" Glimmer shrieks at Peeta.

"I don´t know! He should be here!" And when he looks up t her, she sees _fear _in his eyes.

Cato tries to follow her with his white tiger climbing at his side, but he breaks the branch and pulls his daemon down with him. Katniss laughs through her pain because they´re weak. They can´t do what they did.

They´re not survivors.

* * *

Rue is there when they reunite, but they don´t care.

They hug and Lykaios holds her writ between his teeth and she buries her hand in his fur so tight it _has_ to hurt, but they don´t care. They´re together. They´re one.

* * *

They cry their hearts out when they lose her, when her Aulos balls over her heart and changes for the last time. A little green-ish bird that emits a sad, agonic song. Then she´s gone, and they´re broken. They don´t know it yet, but it´s the first peek they get at the rest of their lives.

* * *

Peeta becomes a strain again after they track him down, but Katniss plays it smart this time and lets Lykaios alone when he chooses to spend his days nursing the scraggy monkey daemon.

"Cassia." Peeta says at some point, when he catches her staring.

"Sorry?"

He smiles, pained and maybe feverish. "Her name is Cassia."

Katniss stares blankly t him until it clicks in her mind. She´s heard the word before. Or rather read it.

"Isn´t that a kind of cinnamon?"

This time, it´s the monkey who speaks.

"Our parents weren´t very creative."

Katniss nods. "He´s Lyakios."

"He´s perfect for you." Peeta mutters.

She thinks about it. A wolf far from its pack, if there´s one at all. Wild. Aggressive. Katniss smiles bitterly.

"He is."

* * *

They have to get the medicine. There´s no other way.

Katniss repeats this to herself as Peeta falls into a deep slumber by her hand. Cassia´s awake, though (it seems the sleep syrup just works on humans) sitting at his side. Staring. Always staring.

When they leave Katniss turns one last time, and she´s looking at her.

"You´ll be the death of us."

She wants to look away, to hide from the intensity of those golden eyes, but Lykaios growls menacingly and bares his fangs as he replies.

"Aren´t we all dead already?"

* * *

The mutts are the absolute worst.

They reach the cornucopia just in time and a momentary truce is forged. The wolf-like beasts jump high, but not enough, and Katniss feels the adrenaline pumping through her veins.

Suddenly, Lykaios barks and Peeta´s gone, caught in Cato´s embrace. He wants to push him, he does, but Katniss has him at arrowpoint, and she can´t shot because Cato´s tiger daemon has Cassia crushed under her huge paw, her claws digging into her skin. If her human falls, she´ll drag them all down. Lykaios is preparing to throw himself against her and try fighting Cassia off her grip, when it happens.

No one is expecting it. She thinks even the Capitol citizens gasp when they see it. Cato is so shocked he lets go of Peeta.

The Thresh-mutt can jump higher than all the others, and it´s the one to sink its drooling fangs in the tiger daemon´s back, dragging her down when gravity pulls it back.

"BELLONA" Cato cries and the daemon cries back, whether from the pain of the pull or the one inflicted on her Katniss will never know.

In the end, that does it. Cato tries to fight the pull even as the mutts tear at his daemon, but he slips and fall. Peeta crawls and covers Cassia, trying to drown the blood-freezing cries of the tortured tribute.

* * *

She should shoot him. The thing is, she doesn´t want to. She doesn´t even make a move to retrieve the bow and the arrow Lykaios is blocking from her. And all the time, Cassia stares and stares.

And then she knows the answer.

She kneels to hug Lykaios one last time, and he licks her cheek, _just in case._ She offers the nightlock to the other.

She knows what she´s doing.

They need to have their victor.

She counts to three, but no one stops them.

She _thinks_ she knows what she´s doing.

The berries slip past her lips.

She´s an idiot.

"STOP!"

* * *

She never thought she´d be this happy to see Haymitch, but she is. Promethea coils loosely around Lykaios´ neck, while he whispers in her ear.

"Nice job, sweetheart."

This time the prep team don´t have much work to do. As Cinna wraps her in a dress that turns her into light and makes her look like a pristine child she watches Octavia´s sparkly mouse and Flavius´ lap dog groom Lykaios´ fur until it´s smooth and shiny and he looks like a domestic dog. That´s when she starts suspecting.

* * *

They´re on edge.

Peeta and Cassia are naturals, they charm the audience with their presence alone, but Katniss is sweating and Lykaios has to restrain himself from snarling. They _have _to be in love.

Lykaios gets a little more relaxed when Cassia sits on his back and treads her nimble fingers through his fur, but it´s not the case for Katniss. Even after Peeta kisses her the fear only dulls slightly. She feels exposed, because this is all a lie. She can cuddle with Peeta on the loveseat, and for whatever reason her daemon might feel comfortable enough with his, but she doesn´t love him. Hell, she doesn´t even know what she thinks about Peeta, let alone how she _feels_ about him!

When President Snow comes out with the crown the wolf daemon spikes it´s carefully arranged fur because they _know_ he knows. His iconic snake daemon is draped around his shoulders. Katniss knows the only thing shielding her from a kiss from those lethal fangs is the audience, and so does the daemon. Her eyes tell her silently that no taboo would keep her from her neck if they were alone.

The ceremony is soon over thankfully. She starts counting days until she can go back home.

_Home._

* * *

The train ride is a breather. At least until the very end.

They stop in the middle of nowhere, to fill the fuel tank, and everything breaks down.

Katniss wants to strangle her daemon because he keeps cowering and curling over himself like a pathetic lap dog. And all the while Cassia. Just. Stares.

Katniss knows she knew right from the start.

That she would disappoint them.

She hates her for being right.

* * *

Lykaios has always been her only guardian.

If she finds it ironic that her soul´s the one to throw her into the hottest fire of her life, she doesn´t comment on it.

After all, he´s all she has.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. They say it gets easier (it doesn t)

Hello, dears!

Mirroring from AO3, in case someone here wants to read the second part.

**Disclaimer:** The Hunger Games and all its characters belongs to Suzanne Collins. The idea of daemons belongs to Phillip Pullman.

Daemon names and forms:

Katniss - Lykaios - Wolf  
Gale - Bendis - Jaguar  
Peeta - Cassia - Squirrel monkey  
Cato - Bellona - White tiger  
Prim - Panax - Unsettled  
Haymitch - Promethea - Eastern kingsnake  
Cinna - Mel - Fox  
Katniss´ mom - Valerian - Scarlet ibis (turned gray)  
Rue - Aulos - Unsettled (would have settled as a wood warbler)  
President Snow - Authentea - Blue kraith  
Effie - Khaya - White cockatoo (his feathers are dyed orange)  
Plutarch - Laune - German shepherd  
Romulus Thread - Unnamed - Badger  
Hazelle - Bran - Brown bear  
Finnick - Helmi - Otter  
Mags - Roh - Crow  
Johanna - Totec - Wolverine  
Wiress - Casandra - Fruit bat (female daemon)  
Beetee - Dims - Wasp  
Brutus - Unnamed - Black bear

* * *

**They say it gets easier (it doesn´t)**

She notices from the start how nothing will ever be the same anymore.

She doesn´t particularly understand, but she´s afraid of surveying the damage. Maybe she´s not a wolf after all.

* * *

It starts with Gale.

It happens at the forest, and there´s something poetic about that. No more cameras, no more pretending , hue hugs her. Not the way he was forced to do at the station. Not even like he did when they said their goodbyes before her Games. It´s at the same time so similar and so different from the way it used to be that it makes her momentarily off-balance.

He holds her to his chest and buries his face in her hair. She feels her heart fluttering, and looks sideways to check on Lykaios, wondering how he´s faring after how upset he´d been when parting with Bendis all those weeks ago.

What she sees freezes her.

Hale´s jaguar daemon squirms against Katniss´, purring and mewling like a kitten. The wolf daemon stands stiff on his spot, his tail tucked between his legs, and his ears flattened against his skull. His eyes lock with hers, and the sadness in them is so intense Katniss wonders why she hasn´t felt it through their bond.

Gale shifts against her, and she urges him with a look.

When Gale looks, Lykaios rubs his face against the scruff at Bendis´ neck. He smiles, and sh smiles back. How she missed that smile, she realizes.

Her soul is just confused.

* * *

Everything´s fun and games for a while.

They move into Katniss´ new house. Prim eats well and looks healthy, and Valerian´s tail feathers look a bit pink again. She should know it´s too good to last.

She knows something´s wrong from the moment she sees Valerian perched on an open window, waiting for them. Her mother is never a few steps far from her daemon, but as soon as they´re close enough, he closes the distance and nuzzles Lykaios. No one would think more of it, a mother greeting her daughter. But Katniss knows better.

_`He´s here`_Lykaios mutters though their bond, and they walk in tense and ready.

"I think this would be a lot easier if we promise not to lie to each other." Are the words that bring her back to her shaking, crumbling world. He makes her sit. It´s his house, after all. His daemon drapes herself across the back of her chair.

When her mother sets the tea tray between them she pales, and Valerian flaps his wings uselessly at her side, but they can´t do a thing. Once again, she´s on her own.

"Have you met my daemon, miss Everdeen?" Snow asks as he pours the tea.

"I don´t believe I have, sir." Katniss answers.

"Well how rude of us. After all, I´m a true believer that there´s little more you can do to know a person apart from understanding their daemon." He says, smiling in that way of his that doesn´t reach his eyes. "Come here, dear." He orders, and Katniss has a spare second to panic because she knows what´s going to happen. At her side, Lykaios whines and the snake daemon chuckles once before sliding down her shoulder and her chest. She does it slowly, deliberately, as if to let her _feel_ how much hatred and rage this soul has in storage for her.

She holds the scream that rose through her throat and looks up to Snow when the daemon finally lets go of her. The man is still and calm, watching her with a contented expression. She fears the monster, but she stands strong. She´s a wolf.

"She is a Blue Kraith. Are you familiar with those?"

"No, sir."

He nods. "You see, these snakes are magnificent beings... They´re not particularly aggressive, but they are very territorial. Not that it´s common to see them strike, of course, nocturnal as they are." He explains, caressing the daemon´s spear-shaped head. "Formidable hunters, these ones. They usually hunt their own species. Their venom is lethal half of the times, even with an antidote, but even those who survive never fully recover."

Katniss nods. This she was expecting.

"And..." Snow lifts a finger, as if to stay her in place. "Her name is Authentea. The ruler that holds to no law, because she is the law. So you will see, we´re quite... Fitted for the job. What can you tell me about your daemon, miss Everdeen?"

She tries not to tremble, to look strong and brave. "His name is Lykaios and he´s a wolf." She blurts out hurriedly.

Snow laughs, and the scent of blood in the room intensifies.

"I expected as much. The wolf, miss Everdeen, is a symbol of power. But not on its own. The lone wolf dies. You need your pack, dear. You should remember that."

* * *

The first stop on the tour is tense, even since the train ride.

She doesn´t mean to snap at Effie, for real. But she´s tired and edgy and before she can even think Lykaios is snapping a bite an inch away from her Khaya´s face.

When Peeta gets her to apologize, the bird daemon puffs his orange-dyed feathers and takes a revengeful peck at Lykaios´ ear.

They get to their destination and hell breaks loose.

It´s all good at first. They don´t speak much, and let Peeta and Cassia work their magic. But as she receives the flowers, Lykaios tugs at her jacked, and she´s looking straight at one of Rue´s sisters. She notices her daemon is in the same form Aulos died in.

She ruins it.

* * *

Her head rests on Peeta´s arm, and moonlight reaches through the train´s windows. He just fell asleep, and she just woke up. At their side, Lykaios starts stirring in his sleep and Cassia´s sharp eyes are beginning to lose focus. Her little hand clings to a lock of the wolf daemon´s fur as if she couldn´t help it.

She´s destroying them.

This time it´s her who stares into the daemon´s eyes.

"I´m sorry."

Cassia leans against Lykaios´ drowsy form.

"So am I."

* * *

The wedding announcement is laughable, and the party´s frankly ridiculous.

Effie´s daemon is normal compared to the abominations they pass. Tattooed hides, plated claws, dyed fur... She wonders what´s wrong with these people, if they´re willing to mutilate their souls in such a way and feel proud of it.

Plutarch´s shepherd dog daemon´s got heavy rings on her perky ears, and when she gives Lykaios a toothy grin, Katniss gets a glimpse at the jewels incrusted in her fangs. They´re probably worth more than her old house in the Seam.

Disgusting.

* * *

Things don´t go as planned when she tells Gale her plan.

"I love you."

"I know."

And she loses him.

* * *

Lykaios has never attacked another daemon, not even in the Games, where she did all the killing, but he does then.

He knocks Thread´s badger daemon on her back, and he´s at her throat when Promethea wraps herself around his legs and makes him trip.

Cassia stands before him, and the badger daemon snarls on her spot, faced by the other three, until her human is dealt with.

No one says a word as they untie Gale and load him on the plank, but Lykaios snaps his jaws at anyone that tries to help him and drags Bendis to the house all by himself.

Her mother snaps into action as soon as they close the door, but everything´s too slow for Katniss.

Hazelle and her bear daemon Bran stomp in at some point, and she relaxes a bit, because Hazelle is not her mother. Hazelle won´t let anything happen to Gale.

After they drag her out, it´s all a dizzying rush. Madge and the morphline, her reflections, andher realization. She tip-toes back into the kitchen with Lykaions reluctantly folowing her steps.

* * *

Gale has just dozed off again after she kissed him. She feels awful. Incomplete.

"Why can´t you love him?" She whispers, ignoring the emptiness is not coming from her daemon. Lykaios nudges Bendis one more time, before coming to her side. "What´s so wrong with him?"

He lowers his ears, saddened. Katniss remembers how he wailed when they bid their farewells to Gale and his daemon before the Games. She understands now. But it´s too late.

"Why?" She insists.

"I do love them. But they´re fire." He answers at last. "Just like us."

"What´s wrong with fire?"

"Nothing. But too much fire is just destruction, Katniss." He licks her hand. "I´m sorry. At any rate, it´s the least of our concerns."

He´s right, as always.

* * *

They debate long and hard on whether they should watch Haymitch´s Games or not, but in the end their daemons convince them.

"You should know, if he´s to keep you alive." Cassia suggests, always the voice of reason, but it´s Lykaios who sends them over the top.

"Promethea has no venom at all, did you know that?" He comments casually, and they freeze in their argument.

Snakes are dangerous daemons. They mean the person is lethal. Cold-blooded. A born killer.

Someone with a poison-less snake for a daemon is dangerous, but not like one would usually think.

Not what meets the eye.

In goes the tape.

* * *

She thinks she´s well past caring at this point, now she´s already decided to trade his life for Peeta´s, but her resolve crumbles when he falls to the ground after hitting the force shield, and Cassia´s fur lets out tiny clouds of golden dust. She shoots forward, but Finnick knocks her back and she loses it. She´s just about to bounce forward when Mags stands into her path. She pins her down with a stare, and Katnis is forced to look at the scene again.

Finnick breaths air into Peeta´s lungs, and his otter daemon is curled all over Cassia, as if holding her crumbling form together. Peeta lives, and she breaks down. Realizing it´s not only Lykaios´ fear rushing through her only makes it worse.

And then she feels it.

It´s a familiar sensation, and yet so different... At first there´s a flick of electricity and heat. And then desperation, fear, and a love that´s so vast and plain she´s simply overwhelmed. She looks down to where Cassia´s slim hand rests on her knee.

Their eyes cross, and in a single, thoughtless movement, she seizes her up and presses her to her chest.

They hold each other until Katniss´ eyes run dry of tears and they´re both themselves again.

* * *

Mags´ daemon is a crow.

When she walks back into the fog, he stays with them, perched on Helmi´s back, covering her with his wings.

When the canon booms he dissolves into a rain of fine golden dust that covers Helmi from head to tail.

* * *

She´s had so few chances to play and laugh in her life that those moment of teasing Finnick, and scaring Peeta together, the moment in which they become friends -even though she didn´t accept it until much later- is forever engraved in her mind.

* * *

She doesn´t notice what Johanna´s daemon is until she finds them in the Arena, and she can´t help but to mentally slap herself for not thinking of it sooner. She´d always thought he as some weird kind of dog. Ironically, she thinks, so did all the other competitors from Johanna´s Games, and that´s what killed them. They should have known.

When she speaks up for Wiress, Johanna slaps her so hard she can almost hear Gale´s laughter, but that´s not what surprises her.

Her furball of a daemon spurts claws and foaming fangs from nowhere and he´s got Lykaios on his back before the wolf daemon can even register what´s happening. He manages to push him off by the time Finnick´s got a hold of Johanna and is heading for the beach.

"What the hell was that?!" she asks Peeta, between scared and furious, but the guy just shrugs. Lykaios shakes the shame away in time to answer himself.

"A wolverine." He grunts. "And next time you piss her off, keep the beating to yourself."

* * *

Katniss has seen her share of dying people.

Still, she thinks it might be getting out of hand.

Wiress bat daemon lets out a high pitched screech. Of course, she´s been doing that ever since they got to the Cornucopia and they´ve all found a way to ignore the incessant tick-tock and the screeching, so they let it slip.

That is, until the silence stretches on too long, and they turn to see Gloss drop Wiress on the sand.

As the arrow embeds itself in Gloss´ skull, Lykaios rips out his lioness daemon´s throat.

She´s starting to get tired.

* * *

The way Beetee´s daemon´s eyes keep drifting back to them as he explains his plan gives her a bad feeling. She´s normally harder to read, like most insect daemons, but the way she´s openly staring leaves no space for doubts. Their allies are going to betray them.

* * *

They´re ready.  
Lykaios has warned Peeta and Cassia, and they have a backup plan.

They don´t even flinch when they send her away with Johanna, as it was only logical but when they´re running down for the beach, Lykaios prances swiftly besides her daemon, ready to pounce at a moment's notice.

Which proves useless when the wolverine daemon pounces first against Lykaios´ longer legs, knocking him down but not biting, only holding his jaws closed with his claws.

Johanna is over her, and the pain on her arm is excruciating. She rubs blood all over her face and instructs her to stay down before leaving, and Lykaios drags himself to her side.

"Do what she said." He whispers, curls into a ball and begins heaving as though he´s short of breath.

Steps. Heavy steps.

Brutus´ blurry form announces her oncoming death to Enobaria, and his massive bear daemon shoves Lykaios. The wolf daemon has enough sense to whine lay limp on his side. They leave.

"What was all that about?!" She demands, climbing to her feet as fast as she can. Lykaios does the same, but he holds his left front leg up.

"We have to find Peeta." It´s all he says, and she obeys because he´s right. Whatever happens, they _have_ to find Peeta.

They cross Finnick and Helmi on their way, but hide from them. Katniss doesn´t trust him anymore and if Lykaios knows any better, he´s keeping it to himself.

When they reach Beetee and the tree, her daemon tries to explain.

"It´s not what you think-"

"I hear them." She cuts him, and dives into the shadow. Finnick. Enobaria. Her heart leaps in some semblance of joy because maybe, just _maybe_ she can help Peeta win this.

"Katniss-" Lykaios sounds desperate. "Katniss who´s _the_ enemy? _Think_!" He snarls, trying to push her hand off the bow with his uninjured paw. She looks into his eyes and she sees Prim and Gale and her mother and District 12, and she _knows_.

She ties the wire around the arrow, and shoots the force field just as the lightning bolt strikes the tree. The shock wave is expected, but it´s intensity knocks her down. She grips her daemon´s scruff and when she sees the lonely star in the darkened sky, he gives her hand a weak lick.

* * *

They wake up to pain, and they should feel something about it, but they´ve really grown used to it.

The lies are served to them along with the soup, and they all look expectantly at her. They want her to swallow them. To look down and stand up the pawn they tried to make her into. Promethea hides her face into the collar of Haymitch´s shirt, but that´s the only hint he lets out, and Katniss won´t believe it.

He´s not ashamed. He doesn´t care. He just let her think he did.

* * *

They don´t understand, that much is clear.

She wants Peeta, and they give her drugs.  
She wants Peeta, and they give her strangers.  
She wants Peeta, and they give her Gale.

And this time Gale brings no comfort, even when he tries, for her sake. Bendis remains out of sight, standing watch at the door like a stony sentinel and only moves when he gives her the news, sending a curious glance her way, like wanting to see how it´ll affect her.

* * *

She doesn´t react right then, but later, long after he´s left, she sheds a tear, unmoving in her bed. Lykaios smells the salt, feels her sadness, and climbs to her side. She cuddles against his fur in a way she hasn´t since she was a girl, frightened and unsure and unwilling to give up.

Now she feels the weight of the world over her chest and it crushes her down. Her younger self had hope. She has burned her reserves and the only thing left is a longing for that one thing she couldn´t save, that one favor she could not repay.

"It´s over." She whispers, her voice broken and her tears losing themselves in her daemon´s fur before they get a chance to run down her face. "It´s all over now."

"It is." Lykaios whispers quietly, and she doesn´t know whether he´s referring to the games or their lives. He´s wrong either way. They´ve never been that lucky.


	3. I could live a thousand lives

Hello, dears!

I can´t actually believe I finished this, but I´m very satisfied!

**Disclaimer: **The Hunger Games and all its characters belongs to Suzanne Collins. The idea of daemons belongs to Phillip Pullman.

* * *

**Daemons names and forms:**

Katniss - Lykaios - Wolf  
Gale - Bendis - Jaguar  
Peeta - Cassia - Squirrel monkey  
Cato - Bellona - White tiger  
Prim - Panax - Unsettled  
Haymitch - Promethea - Eastern kingsnake  
Cinna - Mel - Fox  
Katniss´ mom - Valerian - Scarlet ibis (turned gray)  
Madge - Unnamed - Red squirrel  
Rue - Aulos - Unsettled (would have settled as a wood warbler)  
President Snow - Authentea - Blue kraith  
Effie - Khaya - White cockatoo (his feathers are dyed orange)  
Plutarch - Laune - German shepherd  
Romulus Thread - Unnamed - Badger  
Hazelle - Bran - Brown bear  
Finnick - Helmi - Otter  
Mags - Roh - Crow  
Johanna - Totec - Wolverine  
Wiress - Casandra - Fruit bat (female daemon)  
Beetee - Dims - Wasp  
Brutus - Unnamed - Black bear  
President Coin - Cronos - Spiny tree viper  
Boggs - Unnamed - Napolitan mastiff

* * *

**I could live a thousand lives and never forget those I left behind**

Sometimes she wonders how they ended up here.

Then she remembers the crying, hungry little girl, and it brings her strength to keep on fighting.

* * *

They have been in 13 for approximately twenty minutes when she wants to break someone´s nose for the first time.

"No." She says instead, and endures the resigned stares with an impassive expression. Plutarch rubs his hands together.

"It´s not... Severing. We´d never do something like that. Separation is actually common protocol for the higher ranks here, so that their daemons can´t be used against them in case they are captured, ask anyone."

"No. How am I going to be of any help to the rebellion running around without a daemon?"

"You´re hardly any help to the rebellion at all, sweetheart." Haymitch intervenes. Promethea lies wrapped around his neck, and Katniss can´t help but to wonder if they have done it too.

"You won´t be running around without a daemon." Plutarch tries to regain control over the conversation, but Katniss has eyes for her tutor alone.

"What´s wrong with Lykaios?" She asks, frowning. There´s _nothing_ wrong with him.

"A wolf _is_ a good daemon for a leader. You keep your pack together and safe. But you´re not a leader anymore. You´re much more than that."

"Well I can´t help what he is, can I?" She asks dryly. She expects Lykaios to snarl and show teeth. She _wants_ him to. To show them they still have a little fighting spirit in themselves. But he doesn´t; he keeps silent, flattens his ears to his skull and leans into her side. She wants to kill them all for that alone.

"Exactly, you can´t. But it´s not uncommon for daemons to change after a trauma, and what happened to you..."

"But he didn´t change."

Plutarch sighs again.

"That´s what the separation will help with. We´ll make everyone _think_ he changed." He turns to his assistant, and she leaves only to reappear with someone shortly after.

She´s a tiny speck of a woman, with short, dark-blonde hair and big brown and emotionless eyes.

"This is Frei." He says, but Katniss knows she´s not supposed to remember that. She´s not important. What´s important is the black and white bird daemon perched on her scrawny shoulder. "And this is Makesh."

Katniss feels a boost of respect for this girl, because surviving under the Capitol´s rule with a Mockingjay daemon is an admirable feat. And then she understands what they intend to do.

She walks out the room without a look back.

* * *

No one has seen Presindent Coin´s daemon. At first Katniss wondered, but after her meeting with Plutarch and Frei she stopped caring. He probably spends his days as far from her as he can, she knows she would if she could.

She starts caring after a particular meeting when she´s leaving the room along with everyone else. She looks back, and the woman´s whispering something to her wrist. Katniss catches a flash of something bright green and thorny wrapped like a bracelet under the sleeve of her coat, and she makes her decision right then.

She knows better than to fully trust a snake.

* * *

When Peeta gives his first interview and asks for both sides to stop, she can barely handle it.

He´s still trying to protect her.

It breaks more than just her heart, but they finally agree.

The next morning they´re taken to a barren land, consequence of the radioactive waste. Katniss walks it from side to side, and it _hurts_, but every step she takes is a person she could save and each of Lykaios´ pained howls are the ones she couldn´t.

* * *

Everything feels a bit different after the separation. Not good. Not bad. Just different.

Bendis stiffens whenever Lykaios walks past her, like trying not to flinch, and that´s more than most of other 12 native do.

The first night she makes her way to her cubicle, her mother stares. Prim stares. Then Valerian and Panax both fall over Lykaios. Panax shakes a little and takes the form of a smaller wolf to nuzzle him.

She lets herself fall in their arms for the rest of the night, and it feels like home.

* * *

The first warning comes shortly after.

Her prep team seems too busy cowering from her to notice her condition, until she reaches for Venia.

The woman´s eyes widen a fraction, but they fill with tears and warmth in just a second.

Lykaios pushes her hare daemon to help him get to his feet, and when he walks past him to pick up Flavius´ lap dog by the scruff of her neck he feels a tug on the fur of his paw. He finds Octavia´s shiny mouse clinging to his leg for dear life, and he lies down to let him climb to his back.

When he walks out with the three daemons, the dog in his mouth the mouse on his back and the hare at his side, Bendis huffs angrily. Lykaios snarls and walks past her without sparing her a single look.

* * *

The Mockingjay suit has specially padded shoulders and forearms, so that Makesh (who she must call Lykaios if she adresses him during the filming.) can perch on her without being in direct contact.

She knows it won´t work and it doesn´t, but it´s not as she had expected. In fact, the first time the claws bite into her padded forearm she barely feels anything. Not a thought. Not a feeling. Nothing at all.

`_It´s not severing, we´d never do something like that.´_ Plutarch had said, but now she thinks he might have left a `to you at least´ out.

She doesn´t get much time to dwell on Frei´s and Makesh´s condition, though, before Haymitch comes and brings all of Plutarch´s hopes crashing down.

* * *

They go to 8.

Lykaios bites down on her hand before she grabs the ladder. She smiles because it´s not a threat; It´s a caress that´s as dry and graceless as she is.

She tries to keep count of how many wounded ask her about `Lykaios´, perched on her shoulder or fluttering behind her, but she soon loses track of it. She falls in love with the broken rebels a hundred times, under the watching eyes of Paylor and her lion daemon.

When she runs head-first into the bombing Makesh doesn´t say a thing, only flies uselessly after her, and she feels like a puppet more than she ever did before. Even as she acts on her own, she´s not whole.

Or at least she thinks so, until she reaches the burning hospital and turns to face the cameras. When Cressida gives her the opening for her speech, she feels a growl in her chest and she _knows_ it´s Lykaios. The real one.

She´s a wolf, and Snow just attacked her pack.

* * *

She´s a bit dizzy the next few days, but at least her daemon is with her.

They had forgotten how much they liked Finnick and Helmi.

* * *

Pollux has no daemon. It takes her a while to get comfortable around him; she remembers the older kids at school whispering stories about people getting their daemon cut off and becoming monsters. Emotionless and inhuman.

But when she makes the mockingjays sing he cries, and his joy is so beautiful she quickly forgets about it.

* * *

When Peeta gives them the warning about the attack, they rip Cassia from him. They almost miss it, with the camera falling on its side and everything, but Katniss sees a hand crushing her before the transmission stops. She wants to throw up, and for a second the rage that rises inside her overpowers the fear of the oncoming threat.

In the end, it´s Prim´s arrival to the bunker what calms her. They fix a bed for her stupid at and huddle together under the blankets.

"I think they´re going to train me to be a doctor." Prim says, and Katniss feels as though she´s been hit on the head with a hammer. Prim has a future to look forward to now. She wants to say something, but she can´t get a word past her dry throat. Luckily, her daemon speaks for the two of them when he tackles Panax to the ground and licks his face.

Then Prim gives her the second shock.

"Do you want to know a secret?" She asks, watching the daemons playing around their limited space.

"I don´t know. Do I?"

"Panax settled."

Katniss freezes again, this time in fear because when did her little sister grow up?

"When?" She croaks out. Prim fidgets at her side.

"When I started with the doctor training." She calls Panax to her side, and Katniss studies her sister´s daemon.

He´s a small white fox with a rounded muzzle and chubby legs, and as he stands next to Lykaios Katniss remembers she always thought he´d choose a bird form of some sort, like Valerian, but he didn´t. A fox was certainly not a wolf, and it would never be, but the intent was clear. A fox was adaptable and strong, not as aggressive, but probably smarter.

Katniss remembers Cinna, so brave and quiet, a genius and most of all one of the few people she´d allowed herself to trust completely. She remembers Mel, smiling a toothy grin as she revealed their plan for her burning costume. She remembers her nuzzling Lykaios one last time before the Peacekeepers fell on her human, and how she kept still as a statue, her head proudly raised even as they dragged him away.

Her eyes burn and she blinks back the tears.

"He´s perfect, Prim. You´re both perfect."

Prim lets out a sigh of relief and Katniss hugs her tightly because she might be a woman now, but she´ll always be her little sister.

* * *

She spends more time with Finnick. His silence is tranquilizing, his knots are distracting, and his words are comforting, even when they speak of torture and pain, because they´re sincere.

He keeps no secrets from her. He understands.

* * *

They try to get her to film another prop, but she breaks down. She thinks of the Peacekeepers holding Peeta´s soul away from him and she can´t get the words past her lips. Finnick breaks with her and the others have no option than to give in.

They´ll bring the tributes back.

* * *

She hasn´t been on good terms with Haymitch in a while, but everything´s forgotten when the news reach them that the hovercraft has landed.

Annie is on Finnick in a second, and when they manage to let go of each other, she lifts Helmi from the ground and kisses her on the nose, just as a seagull daemon nests in Finnick´s tanned arms, and it´s so natural and they look so comfortable that no one questions it.

Cassia is awake before her human, and Lykaios and Promethea an´t get to her fast enough. She wraps a tiny hand around Katnisss´ offered finger, and Katniss feels something odd, not just in the touch, but in the way Cassia´s big golden eyes are drowned in sorrow.

Peeta stirs to consciousness, and when she moves to greet him, the daemon grips harder.

"Katniss, he..."

That´s all she manages to hear before Peeta´s hands wrap around her neck.

* * *

She can´t do it.

Peeta´s mind is lost, she´s sure of it, after he´s sedated with a special substance and Cassia explains the particular method of torture he was subjected to.

Lykaios hasn´t looked at anyone in the eye in days, until they find Gale and Beetee, crafting their horrible traps.

"I guess there isn´t a rule book about what might be unacceptable to do to another human being." She says, and takes Gale´s glare unmoving. Bendis hisses at her, and Lykaios seems to come back to life.

He shoves Gale´s daemon on her back and snaps a bite an inch short of her face, which she retaliates with a scratch to his side.

Bogg´s huge mastiff daemon tears them from each other, and Katniss walks away without a look back. Inside, she´s breaking just as her life does around her.

* * *

When Gale kisses her yet again in two, Lykaios and Bendis are shamelessly snarling at each other, their fur all fluffed up, but she doesn´t care. About them, about him, about the kiss. She feels detached, like she´s kissing someone else.

Gale is not the boy she knew anymore.

They break the Nut, and she leaves her daemon at the safety of the base.

Makesh perches mutely on her shoulder and does nothing as she panics. Haymitch´s the one that calms her, just in time for Boggs to get her to the train station. She has another star appearance to make.

When she gets shot, she´s sure she can hear her daemon howling. She also has the worrying thought that she somehow feels relieved.

* * *

At first glance, Johanna is still Johanna, but as she sits down on her bed and leeches on her morphlin, her daemon climbs after her and she knows it´s all a facade.

She remembers when he was a wolverine, back at the Arena. Now he´s a cat, big and sharp-faced and striped like a tiger. But a cat still. Lykaios paws him playfully and he gives the paw a lazy bite and a scratch. It makes her smile, at least she hasn´t lost her temper.

She should be surprised that they stage Annie and Finnick´s wedding to be a prop, but she isn´t.

She´s just happy, when Finnick comes t their hospital room smiling so wide it has to hurt, and can´t even form words until Johanna hits him on the back of the head, wearing an annoyed, fond smile.

* * *

After they escape from Peeta´s compartment, Lykaios tells her about Cassia.

"She´s scared, Katniss. She says most of the time he won´t even look at her. At first she feared they had been severed, but she still feels him, and she´s really scared for him."

"I am too. Only I´m scared _of_ him." She answers, but she adds out of consideration for Cassia. "You should go and visit her. He doesn´t seem to have anything against you."

"Trackerjacker venom doesn´t affect daemons. Every memory Cassia has of me is still good and untainted."

She feels an absurd surge of jealously towards her daemon.

* * *

She misses Finnick, nice, funny Finnick and his gentle Helmi, but she has to admit Johanna and Totec are what they need right now, despite their insults and bites. They are nothing like Madge and her squirrel daemon, but Katniss looks at her and sees a friend.

* * *

They barely make it into the squad in time. She´s at the Block, and she wants to shoot the gas tank, but her leader orders her to lay low. Makesh (they insisted she trained with him in case there were cameras at the Capitol) glides to the ground and curls into a ball. She thinks of how much she hates it, of how Lykaios would´ve stayed on his feet at lunged at the Peacekeepers, and then she understands what they´re testing her for.

She obeys the order and earns herself a ticket to the Capitol.

When they say goodbye, Tot´s still wet and shivering, and he leans into Lykaios even as Johanna keeps her distance and makes her promise to kill Snow.

Before they leave, Johanna´s grip on her wrist turns painful and Totec bites Lykaios´ paw hard.

She looks like she wants to say something, but Katniss shakes her head. She doesn´t need to hear it. She returns the bruising grip for a second, and then leaves.

Before she does, she looks back briefly and catches the girl sniffing her pine needle cushion again. She smiles sadly and has the briefest thought that she wishes they had met on different circumstances.

* * *

It turns out Plutarch was right after all. All of squad 451´s daemons are with their humans at the camp, but none of them ever steps remotely close to the Capitol streets. She wonders how she never noticed when Gale was separated and concludes it must be because she hasn´t spent more than 5 seconds with him before the trip to the Capitol.

Peeta´s a message clear as crystal, and she feels herself being pulled back into the black hole she left 13 to escape. Only he´s different.

He doesn´t hate her. He doesn´t love her. His indifference and lack of trust bite just as hard, but she tries. She tries for the monkey daemon she so hated when she met her the first time.

Peeta isn´t separated, he was apparently judged too unstable to undergo the procedure, but Cassia still strains her bond with him to slip into Katniss´ s tent at night and sleep curled between her and the wolf daemon.

* * *

They finally get sent to a real mission, and Lykaios stays at the base with the rest of the group´s daemons, save from Cassia who is well hidden in Peeta´s uniform. She´s got Makesh with her when they start down the street, and he stays there, mute and perched on her shoulder, as Boggs gets blown up and everything goes spiraling down.

He lets go when the black wave reaches its peak, and Katniss is about to go back for him after they drag Peeta into the empty house, but someone closes the door in her face. That´s the last she sees of the daemon, and she has no time to think of what will most likely happen to Frei all the way back in 13.

* * *

The mutts are on them, the scent of roses is in her nose and her mouth tastes bitter with vomit.

She wonders if she ever really left the Arena.

Finnick looks into her eyes and she holds the stare for everything she owes him, despite the fear and the smell that has now mixed with that of blood. His memories are beautiful, and she has the guts to end it their way before Snow gets the chance to rip someone else from her.

* * *

Even as she´s being led to the hidden basement, she doesn´t know if she trusts Tigris.

"Did Snow ban you from the Games?" She asks, hopeful. "Because I´m going to kill him, you know?"

The disfigured woman stays silent and stares at her, but then there´s movement behind the counter and Katniss looks there. The tiger daemon that comes out is by far the most impressive she´s ever seen. Bigger than he probably ought the right to be, with golden-green eyes and an air of cold, pent up rage. Feral.

She looks again at the woman who has turned into as much of a reflection of her soul as she could, as said soul sits by his human and smiles up at her.

"Oh, we´re looking forward to that." He speaks with a deep, rumbling voice, and something in his eyes eases her worries. She goes in.

She wakes up later that night, but as she recognizes the voices whispering in the dark, she pretends she hasn´t.

"That was funny, what Tigris said. About no one knowing what to do with her." Peeta says.

"Well, we never have." Gale agrees. She stays there frozen, just listening as they argue about who she really loves.

"I wonder how she´ll make up her mind."

"Oh, that I do know." Gale laughs." Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can´t survive without."

Katniss feels her breath get stuck in her throat, and her heart hammering inside her chest. A part of her just can´t believe Gale would think of her like that. That Peeta woudn´t refute him. A third part can´t believe she didn´t realize sooner. All the pressure of the last day, of the deaths she´s caused, of these two boys she doesn´t know how to love falls down on her. Her eyes fill and burn with tears, but when they´re about to spill, it happens. There´s a little, warm bundle slipping up to her chest under the heavy fur she´s using as a blanket.

Cassia grips a lock of her hair in her tiny fist, and Katniss holds her until she falls asleep, as if she were her own daemon.

* * *

The commotion outside Snow´s mansion is much too messy for her to remember much.

However, she does remember Gale being dragged away, and knowing that´s the last time they truly ever saw each other.

She remembers the gunshots and the screams and Peeta´s words coming back in ghostly echoes. _Why can´t they stop? Why do they have to kill each other?_

But most of all, she remembers the silver parachutes drifting down to the kids in the barricade. The snowy white fox and the feeling of relief because _they hadn´t separated her_.

The ducky tail.

The explosion.

* * *

She doesn´t know what´s real anymore. Her father sings next to her bed in the hospital-like room. Prim runs in and out and the reminder that she won´t do so ever again comes with a dull pain in her chest.

Coin comes to see her, and that´s when she notices she´s not dreaming anymore, because if there´s something her mind would never conjure up voluntarily, it´s Coin.

"Don´t worry, I saved him for you."

And her life is so close to be over, she´s so close to reaching her last goal, that she feels strangely disconnected.

The third day, Haymitch comes to see her, and holds the door open behind him.

"I figured you´d like to see him." He says. She doesn´t recognize him at first.

The fur has turned white, and there´s a haunted look in his eyes that used to be so fiery, but when he limps to her bed and rests his head on her lap she tangles a hand in his fur instinctively. She´s whole. And she´s empty.

* * *

Her mother hasn´t come to see her. Neither have Gale, or Peeta. She doesn´t really want to see any of them.

"You can´t go in, miss" Says the guard at a certain door when some days later she finds herself roaming around the mansion like a restless spirit, following the scent that poisons her dreams.

She stares blankly at the soldiers. She doesn´t know why they´re there. Why they aren´t letting her in. Why don´t they understand. Paylor is her guardian angel and lets her in.

She´s cutting off the steam of a blossom that´s as white as Panax was, as Lykaios is now, when he finds her.

"I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am about your sister." Snow says, and keeps talking even though Katniss is not listening anymore. Or wasn´t, until something get her attention. "I was just about to issue an official surrender when they released those parachutes."

He´s lying. She knows he´s lying.

"There was no reason for me to destroy a pen full of Capitol children. None at all." None, indeed.

Her mind halts and if she could talk at all, the sudden realization would´ve let her speechless. She doesn´t even bat an eyelash when he goes on, talking about Coin and Plutarch, and how it was all staged, because she´s thinking of another responsible.

"I´m afraid we´ve both been played for fools." He says, and he´s right.

She still doesn´t want to believe him, and it must show on her face because Snow´s black snake daemon peeks her head out of his collar, and hisses condescendingly at her.

"Oh, my dear miss Everdeen... I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other."

* * *

As agonizing as her days are, she does get a pleasant surprise, and this time the roles are reversed.

Flavius wraps her on a robe with shaky hands, and Venia struggles to hold her smile, but she does, and in the end it´s Octavia´s mouse daemon nibbling on Lykaios´ ears what makes him stand up and follow the humans.

As soon as she walks into the room she feels like she´s been transported back in time. Effie looks up at her from her chair, with her fake hair and her face eyelashes and her over the top dress, and her cockatoo daemon perched on the back of her chair, even though the orange dye has almost faded and he looks more pink than anything.

She looks tired and starved, but she´s alive and that matters more than anything else, because she´s a speck of her past that somehow made it through the fire.

* * *

Peeta is the first to vote against the games and Katniss knows the world would´ve destroyed him. He´s just too good, and she isn´t in the least.

"I vote yes... For Prim." She doesn´t, but she tells no one. Haymitch knows anyways; as much as she might hate him -she doesn´t hate him, not really. He´s just easy to hate and much too happy to be hated- they are the same.

"I´m with the Mockingjay."

* * *

The bow´s string is tense and she tries to focus on her target, only she´s not sure f which one it is. Both of Panem´s rulers wait before him. The former is on his knees, and the new stands at his side, still and calculating as ever.

Two snakes.

She shoots, and there´s only one.

She´s satisfied with her kill. The past is not dangerous. Future is what can and will most certainly kill you.

* * *

It takes her years to come back, and the first days are torture. She wanders the destroyed district ignoring the newcomers and wondering why the world hasn´t ended yet, if there´s nothing that´s worth it anymore. Lykaios rarely speaks and she doesn´t either. They understand each other in silence.

It´s Peeta and Cassia´s return what marks the beginning of their recovery. Maybe that´s what they had been waiting for.

Slowly at first, they start growing back together. Cassia threads her small fingers through Katniss´ new hair, and Peeta holds her still whenever she wakes up screaming and trashing around in the bed. Somehow she doesn´t find it in her to care when or how she let him in there again.

She´s not surprised to notice Lykaios was right all those years ago. Gale with his fire would have destroyed them. Peeta is the dandelion that brings hope for a better life.

"You love me. Real or not real?" He asks one night, supporting his weight on one elbow and watching her intensely. The moonlight is falling straight over his face, and Cassia observes from over his shoulder, expectant.

"Real." Katniss whispers. Lykaios´ head rests over the edge of the bed, and neither he nor her make a move to stop Peeta when he reaches a hand and rests it between the wolf´s ears.

I t feels right.

Safe.

* * *

Sometimes she wonders how they ended up here.

Then she remembers the flowery bushes down her window and it brings her strength to go bac inside and face the present.


End file.
